dEprEsSIOn~

-i am a failure in my studies-

felt darn guilty of myself last night. my couz and i thought of telling gio off, for his rowdy and selfish behavior ytd after bb. actually we can don't care and just stop talking to him de la, but since we treated him as one of our friends, so we chose to confront him in the truth (after asking panu and terence for their opinion and suggestion about the matter). so later that night, pris and i called gio by his window and the talk began. we started by tellin gio about his unpleasant behaviors, that we noticed. then, we asked him to reflect on it. later, terence, panu and rayland joined us too. they listened to what we're saying and terence helped to get some of our points to gio nicely. rayland sabotaged me lo. the action thingy is he said de, but he said to gio that it was what we said and not him. eee! then somemore after he said finish, he nudged me, "walao mary you damn bad lei!" what the! rayland you extra la! honestly sometimes i can't resist all his "lousy mary! stupid mary! fatty mary!" whatever! next time i'm not gonna care anymore ah~ he can call me all he wants! i know he was juz foolin arnd but i ever wondered whether he really meant all that he'd said to me. okay. who cares? gio looked really sad when we told him about everything. at one point of time, he even had to shut close his windows. did he cry? or was he just angry with himself? or us? or me? i realised that i'd said things too far yesterday. terence said the content part is not the problem but it was my tone that might have hurt gio deeply. not to mention he once had feelings for me and now, as i did this to him, i'm sure it must have felt terrible for him. i felt so sorry for him. but yet, of course, i want to see him change for the better also. as the saying goes, 'the truth is never nice'.

when i was back at home, pris called and she seemed really guilty for saying too much about gio. she also was worried that panu, terence and rayland might even get scared of us both. pris fret that they 4 friends might not want to play with us again. so she arranged a conference call to make sure that everything's gonna turn out fine the next day. it involved terence, panu, rayland, pris and i. i was in the middle of doing my english assignment so i wasn't really paying close attention to what they were saying. they also shared jokes with one another after that but i couldn't understand what the jokes were about because i missed parts of it here and there. i could only manage to catch the ending part of the joke or answers for the riddles. but what is the use of them if i don't know the full version of those jokes and riddles, right? so we chatted til around midnight plus. we hang up the phone with a 'Yay!' but even after that, i still got to continue doing my homework until 2am plus.

i was darn tired and sleepy in school today. kept yawning non-stop after recess. so bored in class too. all bio, phy and eng lessons were damn quiet, only the voices of the teachers could be heard. somemore, seated beside me, eunice kept on saying, "i'm bored." argghhh~ make me more bored ah! we got back our physics common test alr. i suspect i scored the lowest in my class. 24/80 omg! i freak out!! i heard tommy got 25. woa~ so good~ 1 mark higher than me! i had to do corrections for almost all of the questions la. haix. sad case. depression!!! i don't feel like studying anymore! this time the common tests' results sure all so depressing de. except for maths i guess. i got 49/60 for e maths! the only subject that i am proud of!~ so sad. why can't i excel in my sciences too? english and combined humanities too? =( english class was another different kind of depression cum tiredness. we got back our mock exam paper and i got 21/50. haix. when can i ever pass my english?? after that, ms ng went through the corrections together with us. i was so sleepy that my eyes kept on closing by themselves. i hid my face behind my hand when i felt really tired and deprived of sleep because we're not allowed to put our heads down on the table by ms ng. eee! but luckily she didn't caught me dozing off for a little while juz now. if not, she'll most probably be punishing me to stand behind the classroom and listen to her lecture!~ blah blah blah...

that's about it for the time being. if i remember of anything else more to blog, i'll do it in the next entry bahx. too tired for now. shit! there's maths test tml that i've got to study for and eng homework to be done by tml.argghh~ i hate sec 4 life! stress!~ and no fun!!