...mY fAke sTeAd sAd sTOry...

i wanna post abt something that saddened me the most right now. i never felt any worser than this in my whole life before. haix. i guess it's the end alrdy~

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ok....firstly, i'll start off by introducing to you all a guy that i've known for 6 months til now. last year july or somewhen arnd there.. his name is L.K. younger than me by 6mths. normal ordinary quiet guy who spent most of his time online. playing online games to be exact. yeps. known him like my own brother even though we've never met or talk before, except in msn. so den later we became sisbro! i think this is the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me. even though, at times he gets really frustrating and ignorant that i would like to punch him right on the face, i still somehow like him. strangely, it somehow turn out oppositely. i became his 'mei' and he become my 'kor'. that's what i've called him as long as i remember. he shared most of his relationship problems with me. and surprisingly, i am happy that he turned to me for help instead of others. so i gladly gave him the best advices and help i could give to anyone. when he feels sad, somehow i felt it too...and the otherwise. oh yea! most of the time we did together was suan-ing one another like, non-stop. til one of us finally get tired of it and stop the whole thing. man! those were the times, dude!

but then things get really shaky durin the november and december holidays. den one night really late at night, he smsed me asking me to become his stead. but of cos, i was sleeping at that time so i didnt reply him til morning time came. we really like sit and discuss the matter really seriously. we didn even suan each other anymore. feels really oddly strange.. so then we ended up being 'fake' steads. dun ask me why. it's somehow a long story~ but after sometime of faking stead, i realised that the distance between us had somehow widened. it's like he never really talk much to me anymore. all we ever talk about was... Got miss me? Have you eaten? and all those general stuffs. we never really talk about the things we faced in real life no more. it's lesser than before. i dun realli like it. i rather remain as his 'mei' than stead. but i dun wanna break his heart. i tried very hard to keep this relationship steady. but then as time flew by, i grow to realise more of his attitude than before. and i find it hard to keep this relationship safe and sound.

i realise that i was the one that's treasuring more of this relationship then he does. we girls are really more matured than guys do. yep! i so agreed to this generalisation. sometimes guys are just not aware enough of how a girl is feeling. it's the girls that are aware of the guys' feeling. girls are more sensitive i guess. well, i can't possibly change the nature of humankind right? maybe that's what keeps girls and guys together. they are so contradicting that they matched perfectly when placed together! wow! it's really amazing when i think about it...

den so when ytd i told him that there's a guy that wants me to give my first hug to him. so what should i do... cos i'm really scared.. i've never met or seen him before in real life too. only talk on the phone twice. that's all. and tml he wants me to hug him when we meet. cos he thinks i'm sweet. and so i turn to L.K for advice (cos i truted him). but instead of wanting to know what happened. he became jealous and totally ignored me all day today. (gosh! he's so ignorant at times that i hate him, but at the same time, love him!) even in his personal message in msn he typed: dun talk to me. shuts! i really feel like i'm fallin apart right now. what is he doing? when i expected him to be asking me about how i was feeling and all. den he ignored me!! =( i totally regretted asking him about that hug. that stupidd never-gonna-happen hug...

oh ya...and my damn handphone! everynight when i replied his sms, somehow his phone never receive the reply i sent him. and he tot i never rely him everytime....when i actually DID! arghhh~ i hate my phone! i hate singtel! what's wrong with their wireless network? why dun all my msg sent to him. dun ask me to send double of my every reply k?!? man! this is too much!

my heart is very troubled lately because of this. cant concentrate much on my studies anymore. haix. really regretted getting myself involved in such complicated stuffs. i should have listened to all those that gave me a lot of advice before. regret!

but i dun wanna waste my time regretting too. what's passed had passed! nth i can do to it anymore.

if he really wanna remain jealous and dun wanna talk to me, then by all means. i can't force him too. can i? he would never listen to anyone! =( but i really hope he'll talk to me again someday!

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and i wanna thank "dek"eddy (my godbro^^) and ko tatan (my couz at USA) for the great advices and comfort they've shown me yesterday and today. you both rock my world! XD i love ya both!

ring me up whenever ya all have problems aite?

=))

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-R luv dots man-