sPiritUally dOWn >.<

sigh sigh sigh...

i wonder why the day is so sigh today. is it because God is not with me? hmm. maybe He left me. or have i left Him? well, i think the problem lies in myself. cause God is the perfect one. how can He be the one to be blamed? that's not right, right?

then again, i asked why have i left Him. i mean, not leave but backslide. why? valerie told me she is praying every night now. day and night. the more she pray, the longer her devotion time is. when i heard this, i am amazed by how fast valerie can walk together with God. then what about me? why is my spiritual so mundane? is it because i've sinned again? man! mary~ you gotta hold yourself together! set your priority straight! amen.

but now, there's a problem. the church i am currently in now is indonesian. hence, i may have problems understanding fully the message of the pastor or communicating my point out in church. as a result, i felt a bit 'minder' about my position in church . sometimes, i even lose myself and start to stutter during my speech or prayer. sigh~ God, please help me speak fluently Lord. my english isn't very strong either Lord. even my bhs indo is poor. forget about my chinese! since i've not been using it, i lost part of the vocabulary now. what i can do best, for now, is to speak in mixed (or do you call them broken? and i'm trying so hard not to use singlish anymore. it's so ugly!!!) languages. but, that's not right God. i really want to have a strong command of at least one language God. please.

i am going for cell group again tomorrow. i know i couldn't wait to go there because it's always so like-a-family there. the people are all nice. so it's good to be able to be in a place, where i know, can bring me closer to God. and for that, i am so thankful to the Oikos members! BUT, i couldn't feel myself growing because of the language barrier. grrr~ it's hindering me from socialising with the indons using bhs 'gaul'. sobx. >.<

haix. it turned out that i have to sit for the PQA interview the following month or next week. at adelaide. this also means that we have to skip few days of school. huhuhuhuhu~ )= why can't the interview be held at the end of the year? it's so much more convenient! )= WHY???

now, i got many things in my mind.
first, walk wit GOD.
second, interview.
third, HOI essay.
fourth, drama script.
fifth, EAP essay.
sixth, my language wise.

ARGHHH~ mary is stressed out God!!! help me...